From pain we bloom

It has been a couple years since I’ve been on here. In that time I’ve been hit by bad karma. I was used, lied to, taken for granted, one night standed, called horrible things, almost lost my job, almost got kicked out of school, was with someone and passed over for another, given false hope, ghosted, cheated on, friendzoned after being with someone, and more. I feel like a cheap ho, a stepping stone, someone to only have a fling or fun with, a distraction.

All of this can damage someone to a point where they don’t know who they are, what they want or even what they like anymore. I was so depressed after being left multiple times that I wasn’t taking care of myself. I hated myself. Left with thoughts of why I wasn’t worth it, unwanted, not good enough, feeling ugly, like being nice and good was a crime.

I came home from working late and just looked at the mess I was living in. I had enough. I put my stuff away, put on some music and cleaned. I needed a fresh start. My birthday was coming up this month and I refused to feel hurt like I did last year. I spent a few hours cleaning. Made some food, drank some wine, and cried for all the hurt, pain and anger I felt. I then worked out. I showered and went to bed knowing this must get better.

Something happens to a good person that has been nothing but broken. She cracks; not in a crazy way but a non – tolerance way. She won’t be where you left her. She won’t be the same as you knew. Women upgrade so hard after a breakup. Him and I wanted our own businesses but I’ll tell you I’ll get there way before you.

Fire and determination have entered. I won’t be stopped this time. This season is called My Turn and I’ll show you what I’m truly capable of. 🐺

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